Ever set a goal, start making progress, and then bam, you suddenly find yourself back at square one? Maybe you skip workouts, ignore your meal plan, procrastinate on important tasks, or convince yourself that it’s not worth the effort. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

Self-sabotage is one of those frustrating patterns that can feel like an invisible force holding us back. But why do we do it? The answer isn’t always simple, it’s often rooted in deeper emotional, psychological, or behavioral patterns.

Let’s explore some of the most common reasons we might sabotage our own success.

Why Do We Self-Sabotage?

1. Fear of Failure (or Success)

Fear of failure is obvious – if we fail, it can feel like proof that we weren’t good enough in the first place. Rather than face that painful possibility, we might self-sabotage as a way to “control” the outcome.

But what about the fear of success? It might sound strange, but success brings change, and change can feel just as scary as failure. With success often comes change, new expectations, and pressure. If we’re not sure we’re ready for that, we might unconsciously pull back, staying in our comfort zone where things feel safer and more predictable.

Instead of letting fear dictate your actions, ask yourself: “What’s the worst that could happen if I try, and what’s the best that could happen if I succeed?” Often, we focus so much on potential failure that we forget to consider the rewards of pushing forward.

2. Low Self-Worth

If deep down you don’t believe you deserve happiness, success, or good things, your actions will often reflect that belief. You might procrastinate, quit too soon, or downplay your achievements—all as a way to reinforce the negative story you tell yourself.

For example, if you believe you’re not “worthy” of success, you might avoid taking opportunities that could lead to growth. You might struggle to celebrate your wins, always attributing them to luck or outside circumstances instead of acknowledging and celebrating your own efforts. Over time, this creates a cycle where you hold yourself back, reinforcing the belief that you’re not capable or deserving.

Breaking this pattern starts with recognizing and challenging these internal messages. Instead of asking, “Why am I not good enough?” try shifting the question to, “What if I am good enough?” Small mindset shifts like this can gradually reshape how you see yourself.

3. The Comfort of the Familiar

Even when a situation isn’t great, it’s at least familiar. Change, even when it’s positive, can feel scary simply because it’s unknown. That’s why people often stay stuck in unhelpful habits or patterns – it’s not that they want to, but that the alternative feels too uncertain.  It’s the fear of the unknown. The comfort of the familiar keeps us stuck, even when the status quo isn’t making us happy.

A helpful way to navigate this is to reframe change as an expansion rather than a threat. Instead of seeing it as stepping into the unknown, try seeing it as stepping into new possibilities. Growth is uncomfortable, but staying stuck is painful, too. The question is, which discomfort leads you to the life you actually want?

4. Cognitive Dissonance

If your actions don’t align with your internal beliefs, your brain tries to resolve the conflict. For example, if you want to be fit but believe you’re “not the type of person who sticks to things,” you might unconsciously sabotage your progress just to match that belief.  

To break this cycle, you need to rewrite the script. Instead of reinforcing old beliefs, focus on proving to yourself, through small actions, that you are capable. A single successful choice like choosing a workout, prepping a healthy meal, or staying on track becomes evidence for a new belief: “I am someone who follows through.” Give it a try!

5. Fear of Judgement or Rejection

Improvement often puts you in the spotlight, and that can feel vulnerable. What if people judge you? What if they expect more from you? What if you outgrow certain relationships? Sometimes, self-sabotage is a way of avoiding that discomfort.  

If you don’t put yourself out there, you can’t be criticized. If you don’t fully commit to a goal, you can’t be held to higher expectations. If you don’t change, you don’t have to worry about losing relationships with people who liked the old version of you.

But what’s the cost? Staying small to avoid judgment means limiting your own potential. Instead of focusing on who might criticise you, consider who might be inspired by your growth. And more importantly, think about what you gain when you stop holding yourself back.

6. Perfectionism

Perfectionism is sneaky because it often masquerades as a positive trait. But in reality, it’s one of the biggest roadblocks to progress. If you believe anything less than perfect isn’t worth doing, then the moment things don’t go as planned, you might give up. But perfection isn’t the goal, progress is. 

The truth is that imperfect action will always beat perfect inaction. The key to overcoming perfectionism is focusing on consistency rather than flawlessness. Can you show up imperfectly but consistently? That’s where real growth happens.

7. A Lack of Self-Awareness

Sometimes, we don’t even realize we’re sabotaging ourselves. Our habits and behaviors might feel automatic, but when we take a step back, we can start to see the patterns.

For example, you might repeatedly set goals but never follow through, blaming external circumstances rather than recognizing the internal patterns at play. Or you might think you “just get bored easily” when in reality, you’re avoiding the discomfort that comes with long-term commitment.

Self-awareness is the first step to change. Start by paying attention to your habits, thought patterns, and emotional reactions. Ask yourself: What do I keep doing that’s keeping me stuck? What story am I telling myself that justifies staying where I am? The more you observe your own patterns, the easier it becomes to shift them.

8. Choosing Short-Term Comfort Over Long-Term Goals

We’re wired for instant gratification. Sometimes, the short-term comfort of skipping a workout, eating off-plan, or procrastinating feels more appealing than the long-term reward. And then we wonder why we feel stuck! 

The key to overcoming this is by learning to make discomfort work in your favor. Instead of focusing on what you’re giving up, focus on what you’re gaining. Instead of thinking, “I have to wake up early to work out,” shift it to, “I get to invest in my health.” Small mindset shifts like this make a huge difference in staying committed to your goals.

Final Thoughts on Self-Sabotage

Self-sabotage isn’t about laziness or a lack of willpower, it’s often rooted in deeper emotional patterns, fears, or beliefs that have been reinforced over time. The good news? Once you become aware of these patterns, you can start changing them.

Growth isn’t about being perfect; it’s about showing up, learning from setbacks, and continuing to move forward, even when it feels uncomfortable. Every small step counts. Every moment of self-awareness is a win. And failure? It’s not a sign to quit. It’s simply feedback, a lesson, and an opportunity to adjust and keep going.

You are capable of more than you think. The challenge isn’t about avoiding self-sabotage completely but recognizing it when it happens and choosing a different path. The next time you feel yourself pulling back, remind yourself: You deserve success, progress, and happiness, and you are absolutely capable of achieving it.

If you need support along the way, why not consider working with a coach? Having someone to guide you, hold you accountable, and help you break through those self-sabotaging patterns can make all the difference in reaching your goals. We are here to help.